Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to another blog post of ‘AITAA’ or otherwise known as ‘Am I The Author A-Hole’… This is where I read A-Hole stories online about authors, especially places like Reddit and the Youtube Channel by the glamourous Charlotte Dobre and then I talk about them on here, give it my thoughts and opinions to see if the OG poster was indeed, an A-Hole!!! This is inspired by my love of Charlotte Dobre who is one of my favourite Youtubers, but instead of just AITA – Am I The A-Hole… I decided to add Author at the end of it to make it more book, writer and author themed… It is also inspired by posts on Reddit… So, here is today’s story!!!
AITAA for demanding my boyfriend tells me his author’s pen name?
I’m Ben a (32m) and I have been dating Steve (m32) for 7 months now. He’s always been very vague about what he does for a living, he works from home, earns decent money but never discloses what it is. Recently, one of his friends (f27) Gemma, she’s an author said how they met at a book release party, she writes and self publishes romance and erotica stories and novels. I put two and two together and found out he was an author in the same genre!!!
I googled his name but nothing came up, so I confronted him. He said he is writing under a different name, a pen name, so I told him to disclose his pen name to me and he refused which left me angry, upset and confused. He said he doesn’t want anyone to know because he is a gay male writing hot sex scenes between men and women under a women’s pen name and he didn’t want it to be leaked, not even by accident because it could ruin his reputation.
I accused him of not trusting me and he argued with me and told me to not make it about myself, that this was ‘HIS’ career not mine and why should it matter as long as he is bringing in money and can pay his way when we go out on date nights and on weekends away. We don’t currently live together although it has come up in conversation, he has his own apartment and can afford it with his money. I tried a different approach and told him that I wanted to know his fantasies and also support his books, career and share it so he can get more sales. But he told me these were not of course his fantasies as he was a gay male, and his books were more between straight men and women, he wrote for his readership not for himself. And that he also made enough sales and money, that although the thought was sweet of him about the support side, he didn’t want the straight theme of his books to come between our gay relationship.
That night I tried to check his laptop and his tablet that he uses for notes for his pen name but he changed the password and even put books on top of it to know that I had meddled with it because I couldn’t put them back the same way. I was annoyed and told him he clearly doesn’t trust me and it’s not fair because I have a right to know what he writes because we are partners and a relationship is built on trust.
He was furious that I tried to look on his devices and told me to F-off and go home and that I was an A-hole! My Mum told me I was the asshole and I should apologise but my best friend said I have a right to know, am I the A-hole?
YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! You are the A-Hole!!!
You have or had at the time only been together for seven months, so should still be in the honeymoon phase and kind of taking things slowly with getting to know each other so that does not entitle you to know everything or even entitle you to demand to know everything. Getting to know everything about a person can take years and like you mentioned ‘TRUST’ but you have proven that you cannot be trusted and will throw your toys out the pram if something doesn’t go your way. The way you flipped out, accusing him of lacking in trust in you, but tried to get into his laptop, that is a very controlling thing to do.
This is his career, something he has worked hard to do, and maybe he just didn’t feel comfortable in telling you yet or letting you read it because writing is very personal and also when people close to the writer read the writers work they suddenly all become critics and judge and slam work, work that has been a passion and brings that person joy but also because of the sexuality differences in his real life and the written life of his characters, maybe he was worried it would cause relationship strains or jealousy.
And trying to say you tried a different approach was just so creepy and controlling, and trying to say it as if it was his fantasies!!! Most writers write for an audience, they write to sell and they know their target audience and target market. A lot of writers write murders and some write horrendous zombie horror with blood and guts and gore, but that doesn’t mean it is the writers true fantasy, they are writing for an audience.
Another thing I want to add is your relationship was very young, 7 months in at the time. Say if you were getting married or indeed married, had been together for years, then maybe, just maybe you could be understandably hurt, especially if you actually wanted to support his writing. But to be butt hurt this early on is creepy and a huge red flag but it seemed you only wanted to know because you have FOMO – Fear of missing out. So yeah, you are the A-hole….
What did you guys think? Were they the ass-hole?
xo Piper xo
Piper Nuelle 
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